Aliens (1986)

"Not bad, for a human." Bishop

A vast improvement on its predecessor. More brilliant Ripley, a (mostly) less idiotic crew, and a strong yet vulnerable little girl. Yes, it's still pretty predictable at times. Yes, we still have to have one crew member who is just an incredibly selfish douchebag. Yes, the Queen battle felt exactly like Ripley's last battle in the escape shuttle from Alien (entirely unnecessary). But that's okay. It's a brilliant way to extend the world by utilizing the "history repeats itself" meme.

Rank: 85

Rope (1948)

"You've thrown my own words right back in my face, and you were right to, if nothing else a man should stand by his words. But you've given my words a meaning that I never dreamed of, and you've tried to twist them into a cold, logical excuse for your ugly murder. Well, they never were that, Brandon, and you can't make them that!" Rupert Cadell

The thing that really edged Rope above The 39 Steps is the reality of it. The film is displayed in ten shots. The entire film is in real time. Characters that aren't in the spotlight are behaving like normal people and talking to those around them. It doesn't feel like actors are reading lines off of a script, it feels like you've been dropped into a room with people who know each other and you get to hear bits of each conversation as you go. People move around as they would at a party, groups form and dissipate, new groups form, and the conversation of each is changed depending on the characters involved. It's socially accurate, which I greatly appreciate. It's a lovely combination of talented actors and brilliant direction. Other than the basis of the film itself, which involves two men killing a friend of theirs just to prove that they can (that's not a spoiler, it happens within the first minute), this is one of the most realistic films that I have ever seen.

Rank: 86

The 39 Steps (1935)

"All right. Then, I'm just a plain common murderer who stabbed an innocent, defenseless woman in the back not four days ago. How do you come out over that? I don't know how innocent you may be, but you're a woman and you're defenseless, and you're alone on a desolate moor in the dark manacled to a murdered who would stop at nothing to get you off his hands. And if that's the situation you prefer, have it, my lovely, and welcome." Richard Hannay

This film is incredibly clever. The viewer has the fun task of trying to work out the mystery and our protagonist’s next move with the comfort of knowing that nothing in the film is actually happening to them. Puzzle movies are always interesting, though I think I lose some of the enjoyment because I spend a bit too much time trying to figure the puzzle out that I end up missing important bits of the characters’ experiences. This is definitely one of those schadenfreude films in the sense that while you see some horrible things happening to our main character, you can't help but feel a little happy while watching since none of this is happening to you. (Also, it's all pretty outlandish, so the chances of it someday happening to you are pretty slim.)

Rank: 87

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

"Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here." Squidward Tentacles

This film is fun and cute and a really nice blast into my past. I think that SpongeBob was more prominent in the later years of my Nickelodeon watching time, but it was still something that I knew and could enjoy. It has all the silliness that SpongeBob always did so well while still having an interesting and progressive plot. In my mind, this film would have been a brilliant end to the series, and for me it will be.

Rank: 88

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

"We live in an age of darkness. A world full of fear, hate and intolerance. But in every age, there are those who fight against it. Charles Xavier was born into a world divided. A world he tried to heal." Ororo/Storm

There’s a lot happening in this film. Some of it is good, and some not so much. I’m not the biggest fan of the “Jean coming back to life” bit and the “I can save her because I love her” angst that Wolverine is emitting. It's frustrating, not to mention a waste of such a good character. Wolverine is so much more fun when he's doing something, especially is that something is helping other mutants. This whole story thread is like a little pilot of what's to come in future Wolverine-only installments. There are a lot of different sides in this war. It’s like the X-Men version of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I do really like the determination of the “good” guys to enforce the well-being of all mutants, regardless of how they are being used against their kind. It shows compassion and tolerance, something that a lot of people today could use a lesson in. It also shows exactly how unnecessary victim blaming is. The Brotherhood wants to demolish the boy who is being used against them even though he is of their kind, however the X-Men know that this is wrong. They know that it is not his fault and that he is simply being used. Even though he is being used against them, they save him. Definitely not the strongest in the franchise, though significantly stronger than the weakest.

Rank: 89

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

"Oh yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming." Dr. Ian Malcolm

This film was so disappointing. It was insanely predictable and way too many notches below the original. It's Jurassic Park, so it's good that it exists, because, Jurassic Park. Duh. But seriously, they've done so much better. And they prove that they could have done better with number three (and let's hope, number four). It's unfortunate that this amazing world and these amazing characters have such a weak installment. This film really loses the "reality" that was established in the first. It's a bit too far-fetched for the universe and it doesn't fit in with the other films in the franchise. I'd say cut it from canon and watch it as a separate film, but Malcolm is such a great character that it would be a shame to remove the rest of his story and character.

Rank: 90

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006)

"If today... If today were a normal day, there wouldn't have been any problems. But I'd forgotten that today was an extremely unlucky day. It's crazy... but I'm going to due. This is it." Makato

This film is a lovely middle ground between fun and serious. There are light-hearted moments spread throughout a complex plot. It's one of those films that you find yourself yelling at the main character because you really care about the decisions that she's making. It's refreshing how real this film is including both awkward silences and ugly cries. My only complaint has nothing to do with the film itself, but with the style of the film. Anime films tend to be of a low frame rate and include extended periods of time with no animation. It doesn't diminish the meaning of the film though. The ending was totally different than I was expecting. It's a nice change of pace.

Rank: 91

District 9 (2009)

"We go home now?" Christopher Johnson's Son

My biggest problem with this film is the mockumentry style. I've never been a fan. I even posted a video about it. In that video I also mentioned that I finally found a mockumentry that I enjoyed. BBC's The Office. Since seeing The Office I realize that I might have been a bit harsh on this film the first time I saw it.  Than I thought about the fact that in this case, the mockumentry style makes no sense. A camera crew would not be following Wikus around. I'd like to watch this film again since I'm less sensitive to the style now, but I still think that it's a weakness of the film. The characters are great. Our main character is flawed and therefore believable. Our secondary character is passionate and intelligent. Our tertiary character (who isn't really a tertiary character, but he's my favorite so shush) is adorable and naive and filled with hopes and dreams. It's a lovely story. Parts of it will melt your heart. Parts of it will inspire you to try even if it seems hopeless. I just wish that the camera would stay still.

Rank: 92
Would likely move up upon rewatch.

Shaknado (2013)

"It's time to leave Kansas, mate." Baz Hogan

This film (can I even call it a film?) is hilarious for all of the wrong reasons. Let's first accept the science that says that we can have live sharks sucked up into the atmosphere (and stay alive) only to rain down on the surrounding area. Let's also assume that the sharks can stay alive while swirling around in a tornado. Accepting this ridiculousness makes the rest of the pseudo-science seem even more insane than it did at first. That being said, this is a good thing to put on if you really want to yell at your television and laugh at poor writing and impossible circumstances. Unfortunately, they're making two more. I can understand the desire for more ridiculous shark themed horror films, since they're silly and funny and great to laugh at. But why do they need to be Sharknado sequels specifically? We've already got Sharktopus. Why not make a new Shark crossover movie? This wasn't really entertaining enough to justify wasting money on two more.

Rank: 93

Alien (1979)

"If we break quarantine, we can all die." Ripley

My favorite thing about this film is Ripley. She is brilliant. She is practical and resourceful. I'm not sure if I love or hate the fact that the character was written as a male. I don't like the assumption by the writers that the main level-headed *spoiler* lone-survivor has to be a male. I love the fact that they saw that it could be played just as effectively, if not more so, by a woman. That being said, this film is cute. I'm sure it was ground-breaking when it came out. Less predictable, wonderful imagery, etc. The main reason for my critique of the film isn't the film itself, but when I saw it and the generation that I grew up in. I can see a well-done film, especially with the resources available at the time. I think that a more modernized version with a more intricate plot would be a bit more my speed.

Rank: 94

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

"I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do isn't very nice." Logan/Wolverine

Though definitely not the best film in the X-Men series, this film is a great look into Wolverine's past. It's so interesting to see this softer side to Wolverine, and it's massively heartbreaking that he can't remember any of it. Mutants can be hurt by their own powers. We see it with Rogue in the original trilogy, and now we see it happen to a much stronger and, quite frankly, "invincible" character.
I really like seeing who Wolverine was before the original X-Men trilogy. I like that Hugh Jackman can show us so many different sides of Logan. The number of films that he's played Wolverine in and the time periods that he has crossed with the role just show how talented he is. We've seen so many facets of his personality, yet we can completely believe that they are all part of the same character. He's the main thing that makes this film work.

Rank: 95

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

"History prefers legends to men. It prefers nobility to brutality, soaring speeches to quiet deeds. History remembers the battle, but forgets the blood." Abraham Lincoln

This film did what Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters wishes it could have done. It takes a story that we all know and it tells us a different side. This film is very well done. There's a kind of alternate history happening here, where the story could just be hiding behind what we've all read in our history books. My absolute favorite part was Lincoln putting off immortality to go to the theatre. (I audibly gasped, and as I was watching with a non-American who had already seen the film, he didn't quite understand why until I told him.) I'm always quite impressed by actors playing one character over different ages. The human main characters age significantly from when they are first introduced to the film's end. The actors make some really nice subtle changes to the way they move and deliver their lines to really convince the audience that you're looking at older versions of these characters. A very strong testament, in my opinion, to the abilities of our cast. Also, a reason to see other works that they've taken part in.

Rank: 96

Cabin in the Woods (2012)

"I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand! Do not read the Latin!" Marty

Cabin's greatest detriment is its elated reviewers. Had I not heard for months how this was the most brilliant and ground-breaking horror film ever, I might have agreed. Don't get me wrong, I get it. I see the allegory. I appreciate it and completely agree. But constant praise from my friends, co-workers, twitter, etc. made me expect to get far more. I get that they put in the cliche horror story for a reason, but I thought that the praise for being a wildly different horror movie would mean that I wouldn't have to sit through a cliche horror story. With that being said, Cabin contributed to my lack of sleep for about a week. This film did properly scare me (and despite what some of my friends may think, I do appreciate being properly scared), even if that wasn't the point. The scene where Dana and Marty are in the elevator passing by each of the creatures that they could have chosen to tear them to shreds was bone-chilling. I didn't love this film. I really never need to watch it again. But it did scare me. Once.

Rank: 97

The Wolverine (2013)

"You don't want what I got!" Logan/Wolverine

Not only does this film entirely forget its own canon, it completely messes with its pace by inserting fight scenes every time the plot gets mildly interesting and a wildly inappropriate and downright disturbing romance. Let's start from the beginning. Wolverine has his bone claws when he's in the bomb shelter, and it's obvious that he remembers these events. However, we already know that he has no memory of things that happened in his life before being pumped full of adamantium and shot in the head. Hello plot hole! Also, where are all the mutants?! This film takes place in Japan, the 10th most populated country on the planet, and you expect us to believe that only two mutants are involved (not counting Wolverine, he's not Japanese)? Add to that the fact that there is a fight scene or chase inserted whenever the audience may be intrigued enough to think about the plot enough to predict the rest of the film. Lastly, more shitty 3-D effects! The concept of a train-top chase is pretty interesting. but did it really need to take place in the foot between the top of the train and a series of metal beams? My favorite things about this film are purely things that set up upcoming films in this universe. I love that Wolverine gets his bone claws back. That is awesome! Also, the after credit sequence made me giddy for future installments.

Rank: 98

Buried (2010)

"Nobody's gonna pay five-million dollars for me!" Paul Conroy

I admit, this film probably would have been higher up if I hadn't watched it on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I do, however, think that it's worth noting when a film's entire draw is lessened based purely on the viewing conditions. Had I seen this in a dark theatre, then maybe I would have gotten properly scared by it. Maybe I'd be reminded of that fear each time I saw it afterwards. I also think that this film is guilty of action for the sake of action. Yes, I know that there's not much you can do when the entire film is set inside of a box. But why not let that remain the threat, the scare, the whole way through? Why add a bit of action with a snake and the fire? I'm very much a fan of things being just as long as they need to be. If you think that the film needs five minutes of unlikely action, you're wrong. I'm happy that I've seen this film, and I'm happy that I don't need to see it again.

Rank: 99

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

"Most people say witches aren't real. They're fairy tales. Then one day they show up at your door and eat your kids. That's where we come in. We kill witches." Hansel

This film was ultimately disappointing. They wasted a pretty neat concept on one decent plot twist (that comes into play far too late in the film to earn any redemption points) and throwing blood and dirt at the camera about 80% of the time. The character designs and concepts were properly intriguing, and the opening five minutes of the film was just short of genius. And that's where the praise stops. Now I know that I have a personal vendetta out for 3-D, but I find it entirely justified when the effect is used purely to hurl items at my face. I could barely keep my eyes open to see what was happening on screen. However, I guess if you know that your plot is poor and predictable, maybe it's a good idea to keep your audience from being able to look at the screen for more than five minutes at a time.

Rank: 100

100in2013

So here's the deal.
In 2013 I watched 100 new (new to me, not in general) films. Initially I wanted to post one long blog post in here with 100 short film reviews. After writing about half of them and noticing that the document is over22 pages long, I realized that NO ONE would read the entire thing. Silly me. So instead I decided that I would post one film review a day, for the 100 new films that I saw last year, in ascending order from least favorite to favorite.
Now there are a few things to keep in mind. The order of these films was after initial viewing. I have viewed some of these films again and I have thought a lot about them and the ordering of this list isn't exactly reflective of how I would rank these films at the present time.

Please check back for a new film review every day for 100 days! I'll post the first one later today.